Nice one though Denise.

Your sweetie ended it, that heartless girl/boy. Now your future is in shambles. You feel the need to panic and beg for her back. You'll do anything to make things right.

But no matter how you try, you can't get back to that little spot of sunlight where you were so comfortable and safe.

There's only one thing left for you to do: Forget her/him. I know it's not as easy as it sounds, but with this tips, you'll forget that girl/boy and pick up the pieces of your shattered heart -- and man/woman hood -- in no time.

1- Take her/him off that pedestal

Don't idolize her/him and build her/him up into something great. She/He is nothing of the sort. So don't gaze lovingly at pictures of her/him. Don't jump to answer her/his e-mail or phone calls. And definitely don't go out of your way for her/him. She/he no longer deserves preferential treatment.

2- Get closure

It's essential to definitively end any hopes of reconciliation between the two of you. And if you can't get that into your head, she/he owes you the courtesy of it crystal clear. She/he needs to tell you: "I never loved you. I don't love you now. We'll never get back together." After some prodding, she/he'll probably do it, just to get rid of you. It provides what therapists call "closure." And you can begin to heal.

3- Don't contact her/him

After the relationship reaches finality, you have to break off contact or you will go mad. Don't beg or cry. Don't drunk-dial. Don't write her e-mail. Don't send packages or CDs. Don't dedicate a song to her/him on the radio. Get the picture? She/he will find you if she/he wants to. And even if you can talk your way back into her/his arms, it's only a temporary reprieve. She/he already knows you want her/him back, and she/he doesn't care. Take that as a sign.

4- Get negative feelings out on paper

Write her/him a letter pouring out your negative and weepy feelings, then disassociate them from yourself. Throw the letter away or burn it. But definitely don't send it to her/him. You will only regret it. She/he will show her/his friends and her/his new boyfriend/girlfriend. And they will all share a good laugh.

5- Avoid her/his friends & the places she/he hangs

Don't venture into her/his territory. You won't be welcome. Find new places to hang out for the first few months and make new friends, if necessary. If any of your friends insist on maintaining contact with her/him, you may have to shut them out, too -- at least temporarily. After some time has passed, you should go back to living normally, and that means hanging out at these places and reconnecting with mutual friends.

6- Throw away anything that reminds you of her/him

You don't have to burn it all, but definitely get pictures, gifts, clothing, letters, and e-mail out of your living area, or at least out of your line of vision. If that means giving away roughly half of your wardrobe to get rid of the memory of her/him, so be it. As a rule of thumb, if the object reminds u of ur ex discard it. This can save your sanity.

7- Don't try to get your stuff back

Unless it's a diamond ring or something that's one-of-a-kind, you're better off not contacting her/him to get it back. DVDs, clothes, your extra toothbrush... just let 'em go. They're only possessions. Is it really worth the pain of being in her/his presence just to reclaim a pair of boxer shorts or thongs? Don't exchange your dignity for menial belongings.

8- Hang out with your friends

Let your buddies give you a reality check on how your ex wasn't all that to begin with, and that there are more fish in the sea. A little male/female camaraderie can go a long way towards getting your head straight. We've all been detonated by a woman/man before and most of us will likely get detonated again.

9- Exercise your newfound freedom

Freedom is always intoxicating. There's a world of activities you can partake in that you were never able to enjoy because your "other half" didn't approve. So indulge. Go to "The Mall". Build a sand man. Go hiking. Play video games on your computer. Watch TV all weekend. Do anything u want. Why not start boxing? Ideally, you want to find an activity that allows you to release your anger and alleviate stress.

10- Remember the bad times

If you feel nostalgic, then think of all the times she/he was a bitch/bastard to you. That should do it. Remember the time she/he made you wait endlessly to pick you up? Or the time she/he reminded you not too drink too much in front of your posse? Nobody wants that back.

11- Sleep with another girl/boy

Nothing reminds you that you are a man/woman quite like having a new woman/man in your bed. So take solace in the arms of another. Call it a rebound if you wish. Plenty of heartbroken guys/girls go this route and for a very good reason -- it makes you feel better, even if it's only temporary. So go out there and feel better about yourself!

Bonus Tips: Seduce somebody she's jealous of

Remember the hair stylist or the hot barmaid/tender your ex scolded you for looking at? Well, now's your chance to make a move that will pay off in more ways than just sex. Just think, if your ex finds out you've been fishing in familiar waters, it will drive her/him to the point of hysteria. This can be quite gratifying.

Yours Truly;
Jack Ass Author

E-Mail from Shawn:

There's a problem, however, as I need to know how to hook up with a lady friend of mine. We've been close friends for about two years. That's the first mistake and, yes, I know that once the "friendship line" is crossed it’s hard to go back.

She's about an 8.0 and lately I've been getting these "urges" (I want to sleep with her). So, basically I need to know how to get her to jump back to the other side of the "friendship line" again. I've been doing the Cocky and funny routine for a while, she gets a kick out of it and it always brings a laugh and a long-lasting smile to her face. I'm constantly unpredictable -- always changing. Once she thinks she has me figured out, I switch it up again. Also, when she acts like she's really mad at me, I ignore her and let her have her little temper tantrum. I just simply walk away from her -- and she hates it! She's always saying "I hate it when you never give in!" and that’s how I know I'm doing a good job.

She said it'd be "too weird" for us to be together since we're such "good friends." Dave, is there something I can say to her to change her mind


This is my advice to you Shawn:

You're on the right track with this girl.

Next time she says something like, "I've thought about kissing you," you should say, "You're probably not that good of a kisser anyway," and change the subject. Then tease her about it later.

This sets up a challenge in her mind, and it will work wonders if done correctly.
Finally, say "Come here" and tell her to close her eyes. Lean in really close like you're going to kiss her, so she can feel your lips just touching hers, then lean back and say "never mind, I still bet that you don't know how to kiss.”

Get it?

After you do this three or four times, lean in to smell her neck. That should do it for you.


Yours Truly'
Jack Ass Author.

For the very first time I cried watching something on YouTube.
God, thank you for the sweetest yet greatest creation.
Wished I can meet this little angel and kiss her hands :'(

I guess I am not as sharp as I thought I was. I really thought this was a car crash, then realized its some really crazy piece of art on the wall.

Do you believe in Karma?


Let me tell you a story about a little car named ChocoMyvi (a new name for N.T's car which she created 5 mins ago)

One day, after a long day at work, N.T returned to her apartment, up the parking lot she drove (her parking lot is on the first level), eager to set her ChocoMyvi into her little space (yes it's a girl) when she spotted something!



Some ChocoMyvi-looking car was already in the space her little ChocoMyvi used to sleep everynight!!!

"OMG, where is my dear Chocie going to sleep tonight!!" N.T said.

So she took out a piece of paper and very reluctantly wrote this down



Hoping that one day the owner don't come back to bash her little ChocoMyvi, she added in a Smiley Face, hoping to sound friendly. N.T is friendly. No, the exclamation marks were not meant to be mean, she was simply in a hyper mood.

So yea, she hope that the Mashi Maro Pillow Owner gets the point and remove her little chocokenari from her ChocoMyvi bedroom.



Here I asked again, do you believe in Karma?

I do. Now.


Two weeks since that incident, N.T woke one morning, walked down to see her ChocoMyvi in her bed comfortably. She guess she was so tired, she was sleeping sideways.




Then N.T saw a note on her little ChocoMyvi backside.




Karma, definitely Karma~~

You know how your boobs get big when you get pregnant? Charlotte Church, who already had some big boobs to begin with, has some serious pregnancy boobs going on.

She is currently pregnant with Gavin Henson’s baby. The baby is due in September. I gotta say I love the Char and she really does look happy to be with child.

Brooke Hogan is like our nation’s self-appointed ambassador of White Trash.

Think this all the way through with me people. This either went one of two ways:

1) Someone took the time to stencil and cut out pants that look like that. Then, Brooke Hogan saw them and was like, “I would like to be seen in those pants, preferably in front of an enormous number of my fellow human beings.”

OR

2) Brooke Hogan was like, “You know what I need for my show? Jeans, but without the entire top. Like, I want everything below the knees to be there, but for the top part I would just like to be wearing underwear. Then I will go on stage in front of lots of people and make sounds come out of my mouth while wearing them and behave as though there is absolutely nothing wrong with the way I am dressed. Can someone make that happen for me?” And THEN someone was like, “Yes. I will participate in such a monstrosity.”

Either way. Fucking kill me now.

Thankfully, someone thought to mug at least one of them at knifepoint.

As if Paris and Nicky weren’t enough Hilton spawn for one planet, it turns out there are two other Hilton chidren, younger brothers Barron and Conrad, neither of whom are legally allowed to be in drinking establishments. I’ve actually been peripherally aware of the existence of these two for awhile, but, in the shadow of Paris and Nicky, it’s almost like they can’t possibly be real. Like Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen’s older brother and younger sister; these people can’t actually exist. Until, you know, they get mugged at knifepoint.

WHILE PARIS Hilton was sneaking into prison in Los Angeles in the wee hours of Monday morning, her younger brother, Barron, was getting mugged at knifepoint near Penn Station.

Barron, who is tall and blond and believed to be 18, had shown up earlier at Stereo on West 29th Street with three male friends and two girls. “They were all underage and they hung around for a while trying to get in the club,” said an eyewitness.

“They were waiting outside Stereo. Eventually they all left together at around 4 a.m.

“An hour later, two security guards from Stereo were driving by Penn Station on their way home and they saw Barron and his friends. Then they saw two muggers confronting the group, and they all got out. One had a knife and was trying to get money out of the kids.

“One guy had Barron at knifepoint, and the guards got out and chased away the guy with the knife. The attackers didn’t get any money,” said the witness.

“Eventually Barron and his friends all piled into a cab.” The insider added that the guards recognized Barron because “he tries to get into Stereo all the time.”

Ha. Clearly he’s trying to follow in his sisters’ footsteps. I can’t wait.

For all you commenters who noted that the other girl posing in the Lindsay Lohan knife pictures (look back to my archive) looked a lot like Vanessa Minnillo, indeed she is!

THE mystery brunette posing sexily with a knife at Lindsay Lohan’s throat in photos that ran in yesterday’s New York Post is Vanessa Minnillo, who might have a hard time getting a new job because of the risqué party pictures.

The beauty is gaining a bad rep in the TV industry for her diva-like behavior at work and hard partying outside the studio.

While friends of Minnillo insist it was she who decided not to renew the contract with “ET,” insiders say her bosses at CBS Paramount soured on her when she covered the Grammys in February. Minnillo was not assigned to the Academy Awards in March.

When producers flew her to Los Angeles to cover the Grammys, “she was extremely high maintenance,” said one source. “She insisted they fly her own hair and makeup people and her personal assistant out with her every time she flew to L.A. She only flew first class and stayed at the Four Seasons, and then she didn’t want to work.

“Vanessa wants to be a celebrity, not interview them,” said the source. “She wouldn’t conduct post-show interviews because she wanted to party. She expected to be paid a full-time salary for a part-time job.”

Remember when Vanessa dropped the F-bomb on live TV on New Year’s Eve? Heh. That was pretty cool.

You gotta admit, that’s a pretty good likeness from the people at Madame Tussauds. I think one thing that helps them is that Paris always has the same annoying smirk, whether for a mug shot or out on the town.

This may be why people don’t find her so authentic. Spend a few weeks working on that smile my liege!

But she’s as cute as a button in my humble opinion.

Also, if you haven’t seen Amelie you should go rent it right now. You’ll thank me later, perhaps over tea.

And don’t worry, I’ve sent out some inquiries as to who the hell that giant woman sneaking up behind her about to eat her neck is. When I get to the bottom of it I’ll give you a full report.

Sometimes I don’t think this guy would get half the press he does if TMZ didn’t have so much fun making up words like “pimpresario” and “sexecutive.” I prefer to call him “jackass.” I imagine his cell mates called him “bitch.” Whatever your special pet name for Joe Francis, he was released from a Nevada jail on $1.5M bail on Monday afternoon. However, officials in Florida still want him for sexual performance with a minor and smuggling sleeping pills into jail. So, with any luck, he’ll be back in jail soon, and I can throw my third “Joe Francis Is Safely In Jail!” party of this year. They’re always a lot of fun. We have chips, dip, tuna sandwich. The usual. Says Joe’s rep:

“We are pleased with today’s decision. The Court conducted a very thorough analysis of the facts and determined that Mr. Francis’ release is appropriate in this case. The Court ruled that the conditions of Mr. Francis’ bail were sufficient to compel Mr. Francis to appear in court and to comply with Court orders. Now this allows us to address the issue of bail in his Florida case.”

Heh. See you back in jail soon, Joey.

Look at me! Drinking RedBull! I’m not having booze! Remember me everybody I’m so cool, I went to rehab.

I’m so bored of Jesse. He really only held my attention when his shirt was off.

Sobriety is so the new black.

*I found this diary when I was hanging out with my friends at Pantai Jerudong. Thought I wanna share it with everyone. I have to replace names stated in the diary. But i didn't change the places, times and dates. I follow exactly what she wrote in the diary. Every sentences and every symbols.


Venue: Pantai Jerudong
Date: 7/3/2006
Waktu: 7.10 am


Dear Diary,

Me stress berabis at home...inda tau cana kan explain arah my mum and dad that me pregnant...me kan nanggis saja, most of the times...Hadi, my boyfriend pun macam menjauhkan diri...I wanna kill this baby but..but me nda berani...me mau buang ja but me takut...Ombak, kalau ombak dapat dengar rintihan me, me mau ombak bawa me jauh dari sini...kalau angin dapat bercakap sama me, me mau angin bagitau me apa yang harus me buat. .....

Ish! Ka Dinah miscolKa Dinah telefon cari me...but me bagitau ia me tampat rumah Hadi...I've to lie, kalau Ka Dinah tau me sorang-sorang dipantai, heran ia krg..i need to call Hadi but my credit low..ish! Ya Allah, cana tah me nie kan mengatasi segala masalah ani...damn eh!.....diary, me nda lagi tau apa yang kan di cakap kan...me mau mandi pantai ani tapi sajuk, pagi masih nie...kan jauh dari sini minyak kereta inda cukup...shit! boh! berbunyi telepon..majal! jap diary me jwb lu ah.....

*to be continue