Paris is going to make the most out of her jail stay. She already has pimped out her best friend and her dog and now is going to use prison as a way to get more famous. As much as I hate this girl…she is kind of a genius.

Sources say the jail-bound heiress has ordered a hair and makeup team to meet her at her Hollywood Hills home at 9 a.m. Monday.

It’s understood that the glamorous inmate-to-be plans to turn the perp walk into a catwalk, and she wants the media to see her looking her best.

“The timing is to make sure she makes all the celebrity weeklies,” an insider says.

“Paris is a genius at marketing herself. She managed to turn having a sex tape to her benefit, and she’s going to do the same out of going to prison.”

But the pal observes: “It’s not just about marketing, it’s about making money. If she can set up her entry into jail in a very grand way, the payoff will be greater.”

Hilton is also said to have decided to write a prison diary during her 23-day sentence, for publication upon release.

Paris is the first celebustard to go to jail. Everyone now is going to want to go. Jail…so hot right now.

Less than a week after checking into rehab and claiming that she was going to take it very seriously, Lindsay Lohan was spotted leaving Promises in order to hit up a the gym, now we have pictures.

Really, Lindsay??? I mean, really?

There’s a fucking gym at Promises.

You know what I think? I think this girl cannot stand the thought of not being in the spotlight for thirty days. I think if there is anything she is more addicted to than alcohol and drugs, it’s fame. A couple days without a camera in her face and she’s in full-blown fame DTs. Honestly, Lindsay? Why on earth do you have to leave rehab to go to the gym?

This is ridiculous.

Thanks to Cele|bitchy and TMZ for the pics.

OFFICER: What is your name?

CANDIDATE: M.P. Sir

OFFICER: Tell me properly

CANDIDATE: Mohan Pal Sir

OFFICER: Your father's name?

CANDIDATE: M.P. Sir

OFFICER: What does that mean?

CANDIDATE: Manmohan Pal Sir

OFFICER: Your native place?

CANDIDATE: M.P. Sir

OFFICER: Is it Madhya Pradesh?

CANDIDATE: No, Mani Pal Sir

OFFICER: What is your qualification?

CANDIDATE: M.P. Sir

OFFICER: (Angrily) What is it?

CANDIDATE: Metric Pass

OFFICER: Why do you need a job?

CANDIDATE: M.P. Sir

OFFICER: And what does that mean?

CANDIDATE: Money problem Sir

OFFICER: Describe your personality.

CANDIDATE: M.P. Sir

OFFICER: Explain yourself clearly.

CANDIDATE: Magnanimous Personality Sir

OFFICER: This discussion is nowhere, you may go now.

CANDIDATE: M.P. Sir?

OFFICER: What is it now?

CANDIDATE: My performance...?

OFFICER: M.P.!!!

CANDIDATE: What is that Sir?

OFFICER: MENTAL PROBLEM!!!


Credit: ScarySoul from friendster.com

This is such a dumb publicity stunt.

On Tuesday night, Dina Lohan will be honored by a Long Island-based “charity,” the Mingling Moms Organization, as a “Top Mom.” The term “charity” is used extremely loosely here, as I checked out their website (I’m not linking to it because I refuse to help drive traffic there), and it appears to be mostly a social club. They charge for attendance at their luncheons, which are “so unique because we are the only luncheon/lecture series designed especially for mom and baby!” And I couldn’t find a hint on their website of any of that money going towards anything even resembling a charity. Please feel free to correct me if I’m wrong. But I think I’ll amend my prior statement — the term “charity” is used extremely incorrectly here.

Anyway, Dina Lohan will be honored for exceptional mothering skills, because it takes a lot of guts to be the only person willing to look the American public in the eye and claim that your daughter does not have a drug or alcohol problem when she has been basically pissing Grey Goose since she was 17. It’s true, Dina: your daughter does not have a drug and alcohol problem, at least not in comparison to you.

Other moms “honored” are:

Rae Stern, mother of shock jock Howard Stern; Lillian Robinson (Eddie Murphy); Ann Iris Guttenberg (Steve Guttenberg); Betty Seinfeld (Jerry Seinfeld); Shelley Stevens Herschlag (Natalie Portman); Amy Hughes (Olympic skating gold medalist Sarah Hughes); and Eileen Connolly (”Entourage” star Kevin Connolly).

…

“My mom’s a bit more normal,” Connolly laughed when we told him his mother would be honored alongside Dina Lohan. “I wouldn’t have a career at all it wasn’t for her. She’s my favorite person in the world.”

Congrats, Dina. You should celebrate with a drink or eight, and at least half a bottle of Valium. You know, like a normal Tuesday.

In the Battle of Sibling Hotness, it looks like the Ashleys are coming out on top.

I’ve been talking constantly about how amazing Ashley Olsen looks lately, while Mary-Kate still looks like she collects cans on the side of the street and uses the proceeds to buy heroin (only one-half of that statement is false), and it seems like e-Maxim magazine agrees with me.

They’ve voted Ashley the #47 on their “Hot 100″ list, while Mary-Kate didn’t make the list at all.

Meanwhile, Ashlee Simpson rings in at #18 on the list, while big sis Jessica’s struggling over at #53. I totally disagree with this ranking. Ashlee Simpson’s face is fake and disgusting, and as much as Jessica gets on my nerves, she’s a really beautiful girl. Ashlee shouldn’t have made the list at all.

No word yet on who’s #1 on the list.

Any guesses?

Britney was spotted crying outside the courtroom during a break in the hearings today!

About an hour into the hearing, [Judge] Gordon took a quick recess, during which Spears was seen outside of the court room, visibly upset, her eyes watery. While she wasn’t crying in the hallway, it appears as though she may have been crying inside the court. Several minutes later, Spears emerged again, holding Berk’s hand and appearing as if she had been sobbing. Gordon called for a break around 11:40, so that he could hear other cases.

Oh Britney!!!

It’s gonna be okay, baby!!!

Ha ha ha.

I’m totally kidding.

It blows huge monkey cock.

It’s called “Summertime,” but it should have been called “We Never Should Have Attempted a Comeback. This Is Embarrassing. Baby.”

Click here to listen.

I have never heard a single song by this band and I never want to, but when I whenever i see that there are new photographs from one of their shows on their myspace.com profile, I always get all excited. She’s so unnecessarily weird on stage. Sometimes I wonder if she ever got out of her Other Sister character. Can you believe this girl used to get to mount Brad Pitt’s pole? Not fair.

Artist: Lindsay Lohan and photographer, Bert Stern, re-create Marilyn Monroe "The Last Sitting" scene. Duh yo'...I love you Lindsay but yo' nothing compare to Marilyn Monroe..Prick!

Here’s a few new shots of 15-year-old Miley posing all sexy-like.

It’s not that she’s doing anything I wasn’t doing at 15.

It’s just that I don’t think most parents hope this is what their 15-year-old is doing.

Also, Miley, you can do soooo much better than this dude, whoever he is.