"Yaw, yo' talking to me momma?!"
"I won't let you drink my milk, teddy bear.."

"My momma won't let me marry you goatty, let's just run away from this cruel world"

Brunette: "Do yaw think the train will stop?"
Blonde: "Im not sure but it's worth a try"

OWN your classmates ;) *wiNks*

Bertha: "Im the future pornstar..wee' wee'"

They also known as "Westlife"

Why men have two hands ;0 ~huhu~

Old woman: "No matter what they say, smoking is my life..got lighter yaw'?""

Retard Truck!

I promise this video will make your stress go away :)

** Brilliant answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions!!

Why did God make mothers?

1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.

2. Mostly to clean the house.

3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?

1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.

2. Magic plus super powers, and a lot of stirring.

3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?

1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.

2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other Mom?

1. We're related.

2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's Moms like me.

What kind of little girl was your Mom?

1. My Mom has always been my Mom and none of that other stuff.

2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.

3. They say she used to be nice.

What did Mom need to know about Dad before she married him?

1. His last name.

2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?

3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your Mom marry your Dad?

1. My Dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.

2. She got too old to do anything else with him.

3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?

1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because Dad's such a goof ball.

2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.

3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than Dad.

What's the difference between Moms and Dads?

1. Moms work at work and work at home, and Dads just go to work at work.

2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.

3. Dads are taller and stronger, but Moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.

4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your Mom do in her spare time?

1. Mothers don't do spare time.

2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your Mom perfect?

1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.

2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be?

1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.

2. I'd make my Mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.

3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

Don't Lose Your Cool

Don't blow your top. Remain calm and think your way through a problem.

When things don't go your way, no matter how trivial, how do you react? Do you lose your cool and explode? You know, it's that out-of-control feeling that seems to well up inside and then—kaboom.

This kind of psychological stress is bad in more ways than one. First, it's not good for your health; it's associated with heart disease and depression. And when it comes to work and personal goals, you're probably not moving forward as easily as you'd like.

Granted, some people come out of the womb cool and collected. They're the ones who never snap—nothing seems to irritate or flap them. (Don't you just hate such people?) So how can we be more like them?

Learning how to let things roll right off your back and mastering control can change everything for you. According to Redford and Virginia Williams, authors of In Control, such positive behaviors can be learned.

Clear thinking is the first step to stopping your outbursts. If you stop and think before you act, your life will be more in control—in your control. Whether your facing an overbearing colleague or a delayed flight, keeping your cool and reacting thoughtfully can be your new M.O. Here are a few ways to tackle your next disaster:

Looking Glass

Self-awareness will improve clarity and help you see yourself. How do you really feel when a friend doesn't call you back? Instead of losing your cool or stuffing your feelings, take a look at the situation. You may find that it's not about you at all.

Self-Regulation

Do you think and speak negative thoughts? Then cut it out! Negative inner dialogue will get you nowhere. Try distracting yourself with positive thoughts about loved ones, a vacation spot or an enjoyable activity. Also, relaxation exercises such as deep breathing or meditating can help.

Communicate?

Open up and put your ideas on the table. Chances are others will find what you have to say engaging. In addition to speaking up more, listen to others as well. This will help you exchange ideas and points of view.

Be Proactive

Find and implement reasonable problem-solving solutions rather than sitting idly and stewing over a bad day. Define your problem, remember your goals and think about how to really get there. If you are always late for work, for example, then get up 10 minutes earlier.

The Art of Persuasion

People who rise to high places don't crack under pressure, they coolly think about the situation at hand. And they employ skills that work such as persuasiveness, conflict management and taking a leadership position.

Saying No

No one wants to be labeled a pushover, nor do they want to be confrontational. But how do you assert your needs without 1) collapsing into a pile of mush or 2) stepping on everyone's toes? There are ways to assert yourself in situations that don't suit you. You can say no by keeping it simple and including an explicit "no."

Empathize with Others

Everyone has a bad day. So be empathetic. This may help you reframe a person's bad behavior. And in the end, it's not about you.

10 Ways to Catch a Liar

J.J. Newberry was a trained federal agent, skilled in the art of deception detection. So when a witness to a shooting sat in front of him and tried to tell him that when she heard gunshots she didn't look, she just ran -- he knew she was lying.

How did Newberry reach this conclusion? The answer is by recognizing telltale signs that a person isn't being honest, like inconsistencies in a story, behavior that's different from a person's norm, or too much detail in an explanation.

While using these signs to catch a liar takes extensive training and practice, it's no longer only for authorities like Newberry. Now, the average person can become adept at identifying dishonesty, and it's not as hard as you might think. Experts tell WebMD the top 10 ways to let the truth be known.

Tip No. 1: Inconsistencies

"When you want to know if someone is lying, look for inconsistencies in what they are saying," says Newberry, who was a federal agent for 30 years and a police officer for five.

When the woman he was questioning said she ran and hid after hearing gunshots -- without looking -- Newberry saw the inconsistency immediately.

"There was something that just didn't fit," says Newberry. "She heard gunshots but she didn't look? I knew that was inconsistent with how a person would respond to a situation like that."

So when she wasn't paying attention, he banged on the table. She looked right at him.

"When a person hears a noise, it's a natural reaction to look toward it," Newberry tells WebMD. "I knew she heard those gunshots, looked in the direction from which they came, saw the shooter, and then ran."

Sure enough, he was right.

"Her story was just illogical," says Newberry. "And that's what you should look for when you're talking to someone who isn't being truthful. Are there inconsistencies that just don't fit?"

Tip No. 2: Ask the Unexpected

"About 4% of people are accomplished liars and they can do it well," says Newberry. "But because there are no Pinocchio responses to a lie, you have to catch them in it."

Sir Walter Scott put it best: "Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive!" But how can you a catch a person in his own web of lies?

"Watch them carefully," says Newberry. "And then when they don't expect it, ask them one question that they are not prepared to answer to trip them up."

Tip No. 3: Gauge Against a Baseline

"One of the most important indicators of dishonesty is changes in behavior," says Maureen O'Sullivan, PhD, a professor of psychology at the University of San Francisco. "You want to pay attention to someone who is generally anxious, but now looks calm. Or, someone who is generally calm but now looks anxious."

The trick, explains O'Sullivan, is to gauge their behavior against a baseline. Is a person's behavior falling away from how they would normally act? If it is, that could mean that something is up.

Tip No. 4: Look for Insincere Emotions

"Most people can't fake smile," says O'Sullivan. "The timing will be wrong, it will be held too long, or it will be blended with other things. Maybe it will be a combination of an angry face with a smile; you can tell because their lips are smaller and less full than in a sincere smile."

These fake emotions are a good indicator that something has gone afoul.

Tip No. 5: Pay Attention to Gut Reactions

"People say, 'Oh, it was a gut reaction or women's intuition,' but what I think they are picking up on are the deviations of true emotions," O'Sullivan tells WebMD.

While an average person might not know what it is he's seeing when he thinks someone isn't being honest and attribute his suspicion to instinct, a scientist would be able to pinpoint it exactly -- which leads us to tip no. 6.

Tip No. 6: Watch for Microexpressions

When Joe Schmo has a gut feeling, Paul Ekman, a renowned expert in lie detection, sees microexpressions.

"A microexpression is a very brief expression, usually about a 25th of a second, that is always a concealed emotion," says Ekman, PhD, professor emeritus of psychology at the University of California Medical School in San Francisco.

So when a person is acting happy, but in actuality is really upset about something, for instance, his true emotion will be revealed in a subconscious flash of anger on his face. Whether the concealed emotion is fear, anger, happiness, or jealousy, that feeling will appear on the face in the blink of an eye. The trick is to see it.

"Almost everyone -- 99% of those we've tested in about 10,000 people -- won't see them," says Ekman. "But it can be taught."

In fact, in less than an hour, the average person can learn to see microexpressions.

Tip No. 7: Look for Contradictions

"The general rule is anything that a person does with their voice or their gesture that doesn't fit the words they are saying can indicate a lie," says Ekman. "For example, this is going to sound amazing, but it is true. Sometimes when people are lying and saying, 'Yes, she's the one that took the money,' they will without knowing it make a slight head shake 'no.' That's a gesture and it completely contradicts what they're saying in words."

These contradictions, explains Ekman, can be between the voice and the words, the gesture and the voice, the gesture and the words, or the face and the words.

"It's some aspect of demeanor that is contradicting another aspect," Ekman tells WebMD.

Tip No. 8: A Sense of Unease

"When someone isn't making eye contact and that's against how they normally act, it can mean they're not being honest," says Jenn Berman, PhD, a psychologist in private practice. "They look away, they're sweating, they look uneasy ... anything that isn't normal and indicates anxiety."

Tip No. 9: Too Much Detail

"When you say to someone, 'Oh, where were you?' and they say, 'I went to the store and I needed to get eggs and milk and sugar and I almost hit a dog so I had to go slow,' and on and on, they're giving you too much detail," says Berman.

Too much detail could mean they've put a lot of thought into how they're going to get out of a situation and they've crafted a complicated lie as a solution.

Tip No. 10: Don't Ignore the Truth

"It's more important to recognize when someone is telling the truth than telling a lie because people can look like they're lying but be telling truth," says Newberry.

While it sounds confusing, finding the truth buried under a lie can sometimes help find the answer to an important question: Why is a person lying?

These 10 truth tips, experts agree, all help detect deception. What they don't do is tell you why a person is lying and what the lie means.

"Microexpressions don't tell you the reason," says Ekman. "They just tell you what the concealed emotion is and that there is an emotion being concealed."

When you think someone is lying, you have to either know the person well enough to understand why he or she might lie, or be a people expert.

"You can see a microexpression, but you have to have more social-emotional intelligence on people to use it accurately," says O'Sullivan. "You have to be a good judge of people to understand what it means."

Extra Tip: Be Trusting

"In general we have a choice about which stance we take in life," says Ekman. "If we take a suspicious stance life is not going to be too pleasant, but we won't get misled very often. If we take a trusting stance, life is going to be a lot more pleasant but sometimes we are going to be taken in. As a parent or a friend, you're much better off being trusting rather than looking for lies all the time."

Interactive Tool: Are You Ready to Quit Smoking? - What does this tool measure?

Click here to find out whether you're ready to quit smoking.

This interactive tool measures your readiness to quit smoking. The tool uses the stages-of-change approach, which is based on research about how people typically make behavior changes. The approach suggests that to make positive change, people must go through distinct stages from not thinking about quitting to actually quitting. Based on your answers, this tool will identify the stage you are in and help you think about what to do next.

How do our eyes work?

There are two types of cells in our eyes sitting on a layer called the retina, that when subjected to light, send a signal to the brain that allow us to interpret what our eyes are telling us. Rods are sensitive to light intensity, whereas cones are sensitive to specific colours. Our eyes work much like a printer; printers use ink cartridges and we use cones to detect only three distinct colours: blue, green, and red. By using different combinations of these three colours, we can produce images of countless shades and colours. In the case of ‘red eye,’ most nocturnal animals have a layer in place behind the rods and cones that reflects the light back out. This provides a greater chance for the light in the eye to be absorbed by the different cells, meaning greater night vision. Humans don’t have this layer. Lights from a camera’s flash, however, are so bright that light reflects off our eyes anyway. The red colour comes from the blood vessels in our eyes that are reflecting the light.

The infamous pirate patch wasn’t simply a scare tactic employed by pirates. They wore the patch in case they ever got attacked at night. The patch was employed to reduce the time it took the pirates’ eyes to adjust to the darkness on deck after being in a lit cabin below. Rods that are subject to high light environments can get exhausted. If suddenly the lights go out, your rods are tired and unable to respond to the low light conditions. The pirate patch ensured that the rods in one eye were spared the onslaught of light, and would be fully functioning under low light conditions. So when attacked at night, instead of waiting a minute or two for their eyes to adapt, pirates would simply run outside and switch the patch to the other eye. Then the eye that was being used was fully functioning and the pirates’ ability to see was normal.

How do allergies work?

Anaphylaxis, or an allergic reaction, is the accentuated response by a person’s immune system to a given substance. This substance can be anything from food, insect stings or bites, to various drugs. The body responds as if this substance (whether harmful or not) is a foreign invader. Upon the first exposure, there is generally a very minor visible response. However, your body is silently producing antibodies, little Y-shaped proteins that will react specifically with this substance should the body be exposed to it again. So when the unsuspecting person is subjected to the substance again, the antibodies bind to it and flag it for destruction using immune cells. Unfortunately, your body releases many chemicals as an attempt to destroy the noxious substance. Probably the most active of these substances is histamine. Histamine binds to smooth muscle in the respiratory and digestive tracts, causing cramping and difficulty breathing. It also opens up small capillary beds throughout the body resulting in water loss to the various tissues. If the pressure in the blood vessels falls enough, the blood supply to the brain can be jeopardized as the body goes into shock. The hypodermic needles that people who are prone to allergies carry contain epinephrine. This is the same drug our body releases when we are standing on the seven-metre diving board, or come face to face with a bear. Epinephrine counteracts the ill effects of histamine, allowing our body to begin to recover.

How does a hangover work?

Hangovers are our body’s way of saying, “Woah, what was that?” The headaches, nausea, and dehydration are all symptoms many of us have experienced, but how does the alcohol do all this? Upon ingestion, alcohol enters the bloodstream directly through the stomach and blocks the brain’s release of vasopressin. Vasopressin is a hormone that works at your kidneys to reabsorb water and prevent it from being sent to the bladder. Blocking this hormone causes us to urinate excessively and become dehydrated. To prevent more water loss, the saliva in your mouth the next morning is notably dry. The headaches are cause by your brain actually shrinking due to water loss, causing the brain to pull on connective tissue holding it to the skull. Different alcohols are actually more adept at causing hangovers. Red wine and dark liquors such as brandy, whiskey, and tequila contain higher concentrations of congeners (by-products of alcohol production), and cause worse hangovers than white wines or light liquors such as vodka or gin. The real reason beer should not be consumed immediately after liquor is the carbonation hastens its absorption, resulting in even higher blood alcohol concentration, eventually overloading our body’s ability to cope with it. The alcohol stimulates acid secretion in the stomach up to a point where damage will be incurred unless it is excreted by vomiting.

Alcohol is metabolized by enzymes into the noxious substance acetaldehyde. Acetaldehyde is converted to acetate via the enzyme glutathione, which is rich in the amino acid cystein. However, when large amounts of alcohol are consumed, the livers supply of glutathione runs scarce and acetaldehyde remains in the body for a longer period of time, causing the hangover effects.

Hangover remedies: Eggs: rich in cystein that could help mop up some left over toxins. Bananas: rich in electrolytes such as potassium that are lost in the urine. Water: try adding some salt or sugar to aid in its absorption.

How can we cope with cold weather?

When we are exposed to cold temperatures, our body goes into a state of ‘life over limb.’ This means protecting vital organs such as the heart and brain. If circulation were to remain normal in a cold environment, as the blood flowed through the arms, hands, and feet, it would be exposed to the cold, decrease in temperature, and then head back to the heart. Cold blood is an issue as it is much thicker than warm blood, which makes circulation around the body more difficult. Cold blood can also cause hypothermia. In fact, hypothermia can occur if the core temperature of the body drops only three degrees. To avoid this, the body redirects most of the blood that would normally be sent to the periphery to the core instead. This has the effect of pooling the warm blood in the middle of the body, saving it from exposure to cold weather. The lack of blood to the fingers is what causes the numbing, weakening sensation. When muscles get cold, they actually lose some of their elasticity and ability to contract efficiently. Additionally, there is decreased delivery of oxygen (energy) to these muscles, which is normally supplied via the blood flowing by. If the cold becomes extreme, frostbite can occur. Blood flow is cut off almost completely, and the fluid that remains in the tissue actually begins to freeze. If prolonged, the lack of blood and oxygen to the area will result in the death of that tissue. Some populations that live in cold environments have adaptations that allow them to maintain their core temperatures while simultaneously keeping their limbs alive and in working order. Their bodies are capable of alternating periods of bloodflow with periods of occlusion (no bloodflow).

Why is hair on our head longer than on our arms?

There are two phases that your hair cycles through over time. The growth phase and the rest phase. During the growth phase new cells are formed within the follicle, which push older cells to the surface. This chain-link effect continues to eventually form the long strands of hair that we see. During the rest phase, however, the shaft of the hair strand breaks completely, the hair falls out, and a new hair has to start growing all over again. Hair on your arms is programmed to enter the rest phase every couple months, which means it never has enough time to grow very long before it falls out. Hair on your head, on the other hand, can grow for years at a time and thus become much longer. In animals that shed, all of the strands are coordinated so they enter the rest phase at the same time, causing the hair to fall off in clumps.

How do hiccups work?

Hiccups can last anywhere from a couple of minutes to a couple of years. The record for the world’s longest hiccup bout is 68 years. Most people hiccup about four times a minute. When we breathe, the diaphragm, a long thin muscle stretched out beneath our lungs, contracts downwards. This effectively decreases the pressure in the lungs and allows air to flow in (inhale). When we expire, the diaphragm relaxes back up, increasing the pressure in the lungs, which causes air to flow out (exhale). A hiccup is caused by an irritation of the nerve that controls the diaphragm. This source of irritation can range from eating a big meal to having a tumour, but the result is the same: the diaphragm contracts forcefully. This contraction causes the subject to take a breath that is much quicker and shorter than normal, which ends when the epiglottis closes (the epiglottis is a piece of soft tissue that stops food from going into your lungs when you swallow). This closing of the epiglottis is what causes the hiccup sound.

To get rid of the hiccups try holding your breath. This works because it throws off your normal respiratory cycle timing. Breathing into a paper bag and being startled work the same way. Oddly, often if you concentrate on trying to hiccup, the bout will cease. If you go see a doctor because of persistent hiccups, they may try massaging your carotid sinus (an artery in your neck) or performing a digital rectal massage to try and stimulate the nerves controlling glottis.

Height changes daily!

Did you know your height can vary up to a few millimetres throughout the day? You are tallest each morning when you roll out of bed. During the day as you stand and sit, you gradually compress the squishy, fluid-filled discs between your vertebrae. This results in a cumulative compression and net loss of height. If you partake in any heavy weight bearing activities such as running on hard surfaces during the day it is likely the vertebral compression will be more than usual. Each night as you lie down to sleep however, the load on your back is released and the discs become re-infused with fluid. It is also interesting that older adults will shrink less during the day than a young adult. This is because their discs are less elastic so the compression is more permanent. It is possible to re-grow yourself at various points throughout the day by going into the fetal position. This allows your back to stretch out, lessening the compressive effects.

There are 248 images from this event on WireImage right now. I swear to you that 239 of them are of Lindsay Lohan.

Below pics of people other than Lindsay

Rosario Dawson :)